my CNY Eve dinner

WELL...
seeing that we hvnt been goin to daddy`s CNY dinners since 4,5 yrs ago.
we decided to go tis year. cos mama`s bored of goin away for new yr, and the fact that daddy hasnt spent new yrs wit them as a whole family plus gong gong is gettin kinda old. so in the whole spirit of new year, mama sed lets join THEM for new year tis year.
i wasnt too keen on tis cos i FUCKING DONT LIKE THEM ! lol ..
they were in the same situation as my family, and they reacted like how my mum did. but now they`re just acting like plain hypocrites which FUCKING pisses me off. n i still cant forgive them for the things they sed about us. i was oni 15 then. i still remember every word, every sentence.
im damn kei sau for certain situations, and tis is one of them. i told myself then that i would NEVER ever want to hv anything to do wit them. and if one day down the line they nid my help. i would fucking look at them n laugh.. with that evil laughter, and mock them. mama thinks tis is bad. so i nv share tis wit her. she`s like those 70`s hippies. peace wit the world. lets make love not war kinda people. zzzz ..


anyway, i wasnt reali too keen bout tis.
but i just aiya, for daddy. go lo. so went. i guess, all in all it was alrite. it made me think of the times when i was younger, the time when i loved all of them so much. mama used to say that i loved the wrong ppl, but in my eyes they were my fav cousins, my fav uncles n aunties. CNY used to be damn happening. cousins, gambling, alcohol .. yea, they tot me how to drink when i was 7. lol. my first drink was tequila pop. madness..
i reali enjoyed growing up there. esp since im the youngest, so everyone loves me the most. they bring me everywhere. anything i want is mine. spoilt spoilt spoilt.
NOW, its not reali like how it used to be.
but there are afew cousins which im OK with. and afew uncles that im pretty Ok with too
altho i do feel abit sad cos gong gong had a stroke and cant rmber me. or anyone else for that matter. but he doesnt kno me at all, cos we hvnt gone back for sometime. and im alwys not there. sometimes when i see him, my heart just breaks.. cos he`s so thin, and old now. and sometimes i just want to care for him. but he cant remember me. when i call him gong gong, its no diff, cos he doesnt kno who i am. all he does is smile at me. that reali breaks my heart too cos once upon a time, i used to sit on his lap. he used to hug me.. tell me stories, take me shopping. i used to write to ah mah n him.
somehow, as much as i want to hate them. as much as i want to laugh n mock them if they ever nid me. there`s a tiny part of my that wishes that things were different. or mayb that i cld go back to that time when oni innocent love, and happiness exist. when worries were about whether tmw would rain or not cos if it did, i wont get to go out n play.
i told Yong bout how my little heart breaks when i see him like that,n i tink of the good times i used to hv wit them .. he told me that there`s nuthin i can do now. shit happens. but i shd remember those good times, and keep them in my heart. cos there will be a day when i will feel that at least i do hv memories wit him.
i reali miss having MY family.