after .

after a long night of crying .
and drinking .
and talking .
and confessing .
and feeling .
and a damn good time with the girls .

i think i can start to control my emotions and be more of me .

******

sometimes the worse part of life is when we feel that we edi have everything we need . and then we let go of the things we thought were not right for us ...
and after that do we oni realise that what was NOT right for us was actually the thing that kept u together .
And ... when we find out that what we gave up has now gone to a place that is too far for us to reach ..
we suddenly feel like we`ve fallen into a deep deep dark hole . and now ur stuck there . unable to see . unable to get up . and all u want to do now . is just sit there in that dark place and feel miserable .

i think i`m at the point where i`ve fallen into the hole .
cried my heart out there . screamed my lungs out .. and now the only sane thing i can do is actually find a way out of that hole .

i kno it`s not going to be easy . and while i find a way to get out i kno i will be thinking about alot of things . and tis will make me feel like dropping back there again . and just feel like sitting inside that hole and never getting out . but i`m going to try to be strong . and put those thoughts somewhere else . and try to get out .
and then when i`m out . i`ll cherish those memories .
until sometime in the future ...
when maybe ..
i will be able to have new memories with you ..

until then .
i`m going to be abit more stronger for myself .
and the people that have been there for me .
* you know who u are

and this is for you :
i hope u got what i sent u .
and i truly meant it ..everything i said .
and i wish i could do something to make all the hurt u felt go away , all the pain i caused and make everything ok for us again . b
ut i guess it`s not that easy ...
and if tis is what makes u a happier .then i wont force you ..
time will fix everything . im sure ..
always and forever ...