tulan .

u know how u tell urself not to do something .

then the nxt day u dont .

and then the nxt nxt day u dont either

but then after that , u just canot tahan . must do ...


u know . i`m quite sure i`m all over this thing . and that i`ve moved on . become ok again , happy . but when i read the things u write like how nothing special happened to you last year , i feel like kicking myself !! reali reali hard .. cos it just makes me feel more of a idiot for all the things i`ve done . and all the things that happened with us before . and i just makes me feel stupid for believing in you - of all people when u can`t even mention . wait . i dont even need you to mention about me , but just hearing u write in down in black and white that nothing MUCH happened to you in year 2006 !!! makes me so angry , dissapointed , hurt , upset , frustrated ! so many emotions !!! ):

but seriously . it reali hurts . that u dont even treasure , or keep in memory . the times we had . or the things we shared . i know that i am abit more emotional when it comes to love and relationships . but tis is just so ridiculous .

how u used to tell me that i was someone u could love your whole life , and how u wanted to be with me your whole life ... the things u said to me , the way u used to look at me , the feelings and emotions we used to share .
u know how when ur younger and u would watch the shows where the guy is so sweet and nice and everything - and then ur mum bursts ur bubble by telling you that men can give u the moon and then kick u away the nxt minute ? i never reali believed that . but now i know how it can actually be .. i dont think there was ever a guy who treated me like the way u do now .

and i`m so fucking angry at myself for trusting you . for letting you in !

i`m glad i choose not to have anything to do with you anymore because the way i see it . the person that i used to care about so much before is now gone . and in his place , someone else who i can`t feel even the littlest connection too

i read somewhere that one of the reason ppl treasure memories are because memories never change . whereas people do .
and you seem like u did .

who am i to care anymore ? everyone was right . i was stupid .