e m o ?

i feel that sometimes i create problems in my own life .because there are times when i feel that my life is going too well and then i get abit paranoid and start feeling that something bad is going to happen and break the nice flow .

this is when i would usually do something and interupt the nice flow cos i think subconsciously i feel that it`s better if the bad is created by me cos i would kno how bad it will get . and mayb how to fix it rather than let things go bad themselves .

i try hard to be strong . to stand on my own . but deep down i know im not . and i know i just fake that strong image and then when the world looks away - that is when my world collapses .

i know i dont like to be alone . or do things alone .. i dont know if its because i just like the company ? or isit because i`m not independent enough to do things on my own ..

and now with you here .

it really does make things sunnier and brighter and more colourful .

but .
i question myself . and wonder whether all tis is for the better or not .

cos once in awhile . i feel that i`m incapable of doing things myself .


and all these little small fact breaks me apart inside .


then again .
is tis another attempt by myself , where i try to ruin things for myself ? ...


dammit .