today

Today i cried like a small baby , cos my maid spoilt one of my favourite shirts . and i dun have anymore shirts like that . it seems like a small thing, rite ?
but then .. i duno why i just cried n cried .. thinking about everything that has happenes tis whole week , tis whole year . for a moment, i felt that .. its me against the world . it used to be me and ThePwenguin against the World . but now that he's gone . i have to learn to fight and fend for myself .
no one knows how life has been for me . my mum sits at home and nags about how i hvnt been studying , and how i failed my papers .. and how 'GOOD' a life i've been having all tis while and yet i can still do so many things that seem WRONG to her .
hell , she's so wrong about my life . and everything . she doesnt know what ive been goin throught neither does she know or understand the pain that ive been in . all the hurt that ive gone thru .
im 18 . im supposed to be having the time of my life . hanging out with frens who aer on call to go out at any given time . i have the ultimate freedom to drive . i have my credit card to spend . im above the age limit of drinking . i can even have sex with many many ppl for all god cares .
but instead of having fun . i had my heart broken , over and over and over again . not only by loved ones , by family . by frens ..
ThePwenguin used to tell me that things like tis happen , and we mend our hearts back .. and then all will be good and fine again , almost new . ALMOST !
but guess what ? im through . i used to say im through alot of times , but i still hang on to that tiny piece called HOPE. but today i realised that tis is how my life is . and is GOING TO BE . tis is how im meant to live . im meant to have only myself . and my precious doggy that sleeps with me every night .
i used to love my life so much . but now , i constantly wished that there was a good reason that i can say . IM DONE . TAKE ME AWAY .
i used to tell ThePwenguin that something inside my body might not be in perfect condition . he would constantly nag me to go for a check up with him , but i was always reluctant because i feared that the worst would come , and that i would find out that .. thats it . my time is OVER . but now .. i reali wished that someone would tell me that , hey . its over for u . its like a beautiful rainbow at the end of a dreadful rain .

i sms-ed ThePwenguin today . i asked him whether he is serious about the whole sacrificing me .. for the sake of his boy-girl relationship . all i got was nuthing . thats enough for me to know that hes serious . and im alone against the world now ..

its ok . ill learn in time .
but for now , it just fucking hurts like hell ..